you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
