Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
