Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
