Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
