do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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