She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize