I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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