After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
