I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
