After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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