maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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