bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
