How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
