I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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