I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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