Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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