what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize