Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
