was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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