Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
