Are we in a gay sports bar?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
