It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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