i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
