sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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