Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
