So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
