I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
