I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My dick has a subreddit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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