I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
