you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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