Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
