Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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