Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
