i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
