gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this boner is exhausting
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
