There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
