I accidentally burped into my bong.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Your cock deserves a montage
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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