I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.