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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)

  (586): View more from Michigan

  It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.

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• (916): View more from California

  Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole

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• (561): View more from Florida

  P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex

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• (858): View more from California

  He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.

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