i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's what I'm talking about
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"