I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n