Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?