It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...