Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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(650): Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls? http://tfl.nu/pg74

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I tried to use my car keys to open my door

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

I just started a sentence with yellow.

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(778): I tried to use my car keys to open my door (1-778): I just started a sentence with yellow. http://tfl.nu/gagl

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(416): View more from Ontario

I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...

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(416): I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment... http://tfl.nu/srde

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(203): View more from Connecticut

No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.

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(203): No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket. http://tfl.nu/3z5u

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(847): View more from Illinois

he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.

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(847): he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants. (1-847): you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him. http://tfl.nu/yg4d

Replies (25) Good night (450) Bad night (2765)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

(404): View more from Georgia

you should get a family discount.

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(770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35

Replies (33) Good night (10649) Bad night (1252)
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(574): View more from Indiana

all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?

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(574): all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him? http://tfl.nu/x011

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(707): View more from California

We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.

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(707): We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE. http://tfl.nu/7oeu

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(+61): View more from Australia

We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere

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(+61): We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere http://tfl.nu/ed23

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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(303): I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen. http://tfl.nu/li1t

Replies (4) Good night (1854) Bad night (428)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well

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(319): I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well http://tfl.nu/7sxw

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

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(860): Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now. http://tfl.nu/0rnz

Replies (4) Good night (2611) Bad night (445)
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(512): View more from Texas

While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.

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(512): While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before. http://tfl.nu/erll

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(509): View more from Washington

How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch

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(509): How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch http://tfl.nu/j3z1

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(216): View more from Ohio

i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control

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(216): i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control http://tfl.nu/rhtt

Replies (3) Good night (336) Bad night (581)

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