I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
