hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
