I showed him my bush... on skype.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
