This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
