I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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