Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
