Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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