We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
