can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
