mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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