Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
