first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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