I wish I could teleport
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
