So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
