And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
