he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
