Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
