we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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