I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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