i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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