mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
