this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
