i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My vagina is very pro this idea
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
