I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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