eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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