i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
