You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
