If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
