Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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