Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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