we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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