Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
