matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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