just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
