worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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